12 Types of Cell Phone Users That Drive Us Nuts

You know him, you (just may) love him, the dude who thinks a Bluetooth headset is the single most important accessory an individual can wear to spruce up everyday attire. Walking down the street, sitting on the bus, in the mall and everywhere else, this guy is sporting his Bluetooth ear-piece—and he wants you to know it. I’m all for using Bluetooth headsets while driving—safety first—but please, Mr. Johnson, you’re only hurting yourself in the long run by rocking that silly thing while walking your Pomeranian. We’re not laughing with you.

The modern iPhone snob is a dying breed; since most Americans can now afford Apple’s “Jesus Phone.” It’s no longer a true status symbol—now it’s the “MBP” Apple snobs are showing off at Starbucks. But genuine iPhone Snobs still exist in the wild. And they’re easy to spot. That’s because the iPhone rarely leaves a Snob’s hand and is often thrust in front of them as talisman of sorts while they move amongst non-iPhone users. Other sure signs you’re in the presence of an iPhone Snob: Apple stickers everywhere and holier-than-thou glances directed at anyone without a clearly-visible sign of Apple support.

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The Holster Master doesn’t wear just one cell-phone-holster; his belt is absolutely adorned with various holsters for his multiple cell-phones, pocket knives, tape-measures, and whatever else he can fit on there, not unlike the popular Star Wars character Han Solo. They won’t always match—leather, vinyl, handmade, whatever—but there’s usually some sort of order to the holster-arrangement. Gadgets “holstered” by size from left to right, for instance. Unlike Han Solo, this guy typically does not get the pretty girl. Word to the wise to those of you with a single mobile device on your belt: Beware that first “gateway holster.”

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This cell-phone stereotype is rarely seen, but frequently heard. That’s because the restroom texter’s natural habitat is within a public bathroom stall. While taking care of business, this guy’s literally taking care of business, banging out texts on his BlackBerry, even placing voice-calls. Unidentified clacking keys and clicking BlackBerry trackballs in public restrooms are sure signs of the Restroom Texter. The most interesting/perplexing/disgusting thing about this rare species of cell-phone-user: They see nothing strange about texting and/or talking on a public throne.

She’s got people to talk to—even if she’s got nothing to say. And she wants you to know it. Cell Phone Rhoda comes in all shapes and sizes, but more often than not, she’ll be larger than you are. And she’ll get all up in your personal space on the bus, train or while standing in line to board your plane. She doesn’t really mean you any harm&but don’t even think about asking her to tone it down a bit—unless of course you’re prepared to engage in fisticuffs on public transportation.